Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
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Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
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Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
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Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
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Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
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Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
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Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
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Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!
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Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
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Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
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Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
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Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
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Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
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Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
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Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
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Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!
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Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.
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Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
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Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
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Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
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A. A table!
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Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the Shell station!
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Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. You crack me up!
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Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
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Q. Why did the elephant eat the candle?
A. He wanted a light snack!
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Q. Why is the letter "G" scary?
A. It turns a host into a ghost
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Q. What has 4 eyes but no face?
A. Mississippi!
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Q. What did the spider do on the computer?
A. Made a website!
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Q. What letters are not in the alphabet?
A. The ones in the mail, of course!
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Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!
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Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. Because it felt crummy.
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Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!
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Q. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A. A little horse
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Q. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese
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Q. Why did the sheep say "moo"?
A. It was learning a new language!
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Q. What streets do ghosts haunt?
A. Dead ends!
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Q. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A. The Space bar!
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Q. What exam do young witches have to pass?
A. A spell-ing test!
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Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Q. Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A. Because you dribble on the floor!
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A. Sunday, of course!
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Q. What bow can't be tied?
A. A rainbow!
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Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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Q. What does a teddy bear put in his house?
A. Fur-niture!
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Q.What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A.Spring time.
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Q. What happens to cows during an earthquake?
A. They give milk shakes!
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Q. Why did the jelly wobble?
A. Because it saw the milk shake!
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Q. What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?
A. Betty!
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Q. Where do cows go on holiday?
A. Moo York
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Q. Where did the computer go to dance?
A. To a disc-o.
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Q. What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?
A. Russel
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Q. What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A. A Bed
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Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. He was a chicken.
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Q. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
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Q. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A. To get a tweetment.
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Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A. A Clausterphobic
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Q. Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?
A. Because his friend said its on me.
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Q. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A. Never mind, it's over your head!
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Q. What do you call a cow eating grass in a paddock?
A. A lawn mooer
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Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A. Because he had no-body to go with.
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A. Microwaves!
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Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A. A hole!
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Q. What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
A. The road!
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Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. Take away their chairs!
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Q. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A. The scientists were brainstorming!
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Q. Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date!
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Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
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Q. What did Pooh say to his agent?
A. Show me the honey!
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Q. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A. Because he was sitting on the deck!
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Q. Why did the traffic light turn red?
A. You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
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Q. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!
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Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits!
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Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!
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Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!
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Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck!
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Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!
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Q. What did the blanket say to the bed?
A. Don't worry, I've got you covered!
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Q. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A. To draw the curtains!
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Q. How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A. One! After that its not empty!
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Q. What kind of button won't unbutton?
A. A bellybutton!
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A. We make perfect cents.
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Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.
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Q. Why did the picture go to jail?
A. Because it was framed.
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Q. What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
A. Lunch and dinner.
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